By Pingting / May 17, 2026
昨天是娃儿好朋友的生日派对。
派对十一点开始。
结果人家早上七点就自己起床了，然后悠闲地坐着看电视。
而我，则开始进入“老母亲备战模式”。
我让他准备泳衣，
不动。
让他整理包包，
不动。
让他写生日贺卡，
不动。
让他换衣服，
说了好几次，
还是不动。
最后就变成：
我一个人默默处理所有事情。
找礼物、
找袋子、
找贺卡、
包礼物、
找泳衣、
找衣服、
确认时间……
忙到最后，临出门前，我原本以为他会记得带上我装好的泳衣，结果居然忘了。
那一瞬间，我终于扛不住了。
我用严肃认真又坚定地语气说：
“下次你自己的事情自己做可以吗？”
结果娃儿立刻反击：
“你干嘛无缘无故对我生气？你对我太不好了！”
我当场更气：
“这还叫无缘无故？”
“你自己的事情都不做，让我一件件替你做。你把我当什么了？”
然后我直接开始进入“电视妈妈”梗，
我问：
“电视妈妈能给你准备吃的吗？”
娃儿：
“可以！”
我：
“电视妈妈可以帮你找礼物吗？”
娃儿：
“可以！”
我：
“电视妈妈可以帮你找剪刀吗？”
娃儿：
“可以！”
我：
“电视妈妈可以帮你找泳衣吗？”
娃儿：
“可以！”
我：
“电视妈妈可以帮你找衣服穿吗？”
娃儿：
“可以！”
最后我彻底破防：
“那你以后就跟你的电视妈妈过吧！”
结果人家突然不讲话了。
整个车里终于安静下来。
我深吸了一口气，说：
“我现在太生气了，已经没办法开车了。你让我歇一会儿。”
于是我们两个都没说话。
后面，我感受到气氛有点不对劲，于是跟着车里的音乐唱起了歌。
结果过了一会儿，娃儿突然冒一句：
“怎么这么久了还没到？”
我其实知道，
他不是在催。
他只是想找个台阶，重新讲话。
于是我就针对他这个问题，说：
“你也可以唱歌，可以闭眼休息，可以看风景，可以做很多事情。我在开车都没说久。”
“我还是不明白你为什么要对我生气？是不是今天如果不是K的生日，是我的生日，你就不会对我生气了？“
“这不关谁的生日的事！我们换个话题吧！“我回答。
后来总算到了朋友家。
而小孩也是真的很神奇。
前一秒还在车里闹情绪，
后一秒到了朋友家，又能玩得特别开心。
下午回家的时候，人家又开始不高兴：
“才玩三小时就回家了，我想玩六小时。”
然后话题突然一转：
“我很喜欢K那个变形金刚车，我们去Ross买吧！”
我说：
“哪有小孩想要什么就让父母马上买的？”
“再说了，就算去Ross，也不一定买得到同款。以后刚好看到再买就可以了。”
停了一下，我又说：
“而且你看今天那个W，他也喜欢那个车，听说他妈妈在他四岁的时候就去世了，他多可怜啊。”
结果娃儿瞬间安静了。
没再提车。
快到家时，我突然想起还要去邮局和图书馆，于是临时绕了路。
结果这次轮到娃儿炸了。
“妈妈！你每次这样开车我都很生气！”
“为什么明明快到家了，又不拐进去，还要去别的地方？”
“我本来以为已经要到家了！”
我一下就懂了。
他不是因为“绕路”生气。
而是因为：
“预期突然被改变了。”
而且我突然发现，
上次绕走的时候，
他也是同样的反应。
于是我说：
“因为从家里这边绕过去，我比较熟悉。”
“下次我尽量不要这样开。”
他这才慢慢安静下来。
晚上睡前，我又跟他复盘了早上的事。
我跟他说：
“妈妈是不喜欢你今天那个行为，不是不喜欢你这个人。”
“我还是很爱你的。”
“你还是全世界最好的孩子。”
“只是你那些原本自己该负责的事情，全部变成我在负责，会让我想起我以前人生里很多人。他们自己的责任不承担，却让我一个人扛。”
“所以妈妈才会这么生气。”
“以后你的事情，你可以试着自己负责吗？”
“不要妈妈说一件事，说了好几次，你才做到一半。然后我得一直说一直说，这样我真的很累。”
“要是哪天妈妈不在你身边了，你要怎么办？到时候就没人提醒你了。”
娃儿很认真地点点头：
“好。”
后来我躺着的时候突然觉得：
其实今天这样，也挺好的。
我们没有假装没事。
没有压着情绪。
没有谁一直忍。
我们可以生气，
可以委屈，
可以说原因，
可以沟通，
也可以互相理解。
每一次谈判，
其实都是为了未来更愉快地相处。
婷妈的亲子日常 创作于 2026.05.17
原创发布： tingtingma.com
写给孩子，也写给正在成长的大人。
未经授权，请勿转载。
《Tingma’s Parenting Diary｜259. We Can Be Angry, and We Can Explain Why》
Yesterday was my son’s good friend’s birthday party.
The party started at 11 a.m.
But somehow, he woke up at 7 in the morning and then peacefully sat there watching TV.
Meanwhile, I entered full “mom survival mode.”
I asked him to prepare his swimsuit.
No movement.
I asked him to organize his bag.
No movement.
I asked him to write the birthday card.
Still no movement.
I asked him to change clothes.
After repeating myself several times,
still nothing.
So in the end,
it became:
me quietly handling everything alone.
Finding the gift,
finding a gift bag,
finding the birthday card,
wrapping the present,
finding the swimsuit,
finding clothes,
checking the time…
By the time we were finally about to leave, I had assumed he would remember to bring the swimsuit I already packed for him.
Turns out,
he forgot it.
At that moment, I finally snapped.
In a serious, firm voice, I said:
“Next time, can you handle your own things yourself?”
And my son immediately fired back:
“Why are you getting mad at me for no reason? You’re being so mean to me!”
That made me even more upset.
“For no reason?!”
“You don’t do your own things, and I have to do every single thing for you. What do you think I am?”
And then I fully entered the whole “TV Mom” joke mode.
I asked:
“Can TV Mom prepare food for you?”
My son:
“Yes!”
Me:
“Can TV Mom help you find presents?”
My son:
“Yes!”
Me:
“Can TV Mom help you find scissors?”
My son:
“Yes!”
Me:
“Can TV Mom help you find your swimsuit?”
My son:
“Yes!”
Me:
“Can TV Mom help you find clothes for you to wear?”
My son:
“Yes!”
At that point I completely lost it.
“Then go live with your TV Mom from now on!”
And suddenly,
he stopped talking.
The whole car finally became quiet.
I took a deep breath and said:
“I’m too angry right now. I can’t even drive properly anymore. Let me rest for a little while.”
So neither of us spoke.
Later, I felt the atmosphere getting strange, so I started quietly singing along to the music in the car.
After a while, my son suddenly said:
“Why is it taking so long to get there?”
But honestly,
I knew he wasn’t rushing me.
He was just trying to find a way to start talking again.
So instead of getting angry again, I answered:
“You can sing too. Or close your eyes and rest. Or look at the scenery. There are lots of things you can do. I’m the one driving and I haven’t complained that it’s taking too long.”
Then he suddenly asked:
“I still don’t understand why you were angry at me. If today was my birthday instead of K’s birthday, would you not have gotten mad at me?”
“That has nothing to do with whose birthday it is. Let’s change the subject,” I replied.
Eventually we arrived at his friend’s house.
And honestly,
kids are amazing.
One second he was emotional in the car,
the next second he was happily playing with his friends like nothing happened.
On the way home later that afternoon, he became unhappy again.
“We only played for three hours. I wanted to play for six hours.”
Then suddenly he changed the subject:
“I really like K’s Transformers car. Let’s go buy one at Ross!”
I said:
“What kid gets something immediately just because they want it?”
“Besides, even if we go to Ross, they might not even have the same one. We can buy it another time if we happen to see it.”
Then after pausing for a second, I added:
“And look at W today. He likes that car too. I heard his mom passed away when he was four years old. That’s so sad.”
And instantly,
my son became quiet.
He never mentioned the toy car again.
When we were almost home, I suddenly remembered I still needed to stop by the post office and the library, so I changed routes at the last minute.
And this time,
my son exploded.
“Mom! I get so angry every time you drive like this!”
“Why do you suddenly go somewhere else when we were almost home?”
“I thought we were already about to get home!”
And immediately,
I understood.
He wasn’t angry because of the “detour.”
He was angry because:
“his expectation suddenly changed.”
And then I suddenly realized:
the last time I changed routes unexpectedly,
he reacted the exact same way.
So I explained:
“Because I’m more familiar with going this way from our neighborhood.”
“I’ll try not to do that next time.”
Only then did he slowly calm down.
That night before bed, I talked with him again about what happened in the morning.
I told him:
“Mom doesn’t dislike you as a person. Mom just didn’t like your behavior today.”
“I still love you very much.”
“You’re still the best kid in the world.”
“But when the things you should be responsible for all become my responsibility, it reminds me of many people from my past. People who wouldn’t take responsibility for their own things and made me carry everything alone.”
“That’s why Mom became so angry.”
“Can you try handling your own responsibilities more by yourself from now on?”
“Don’t wait until Mom repeats the same thing over and over before you only do half of it. Then I have to keep reminding you again and again, and that makes me really tired.”
“And what if one day Mom isn’t beside you anymore? Then nobody will be there to remind you.”
My son nodded very seriously.
“Okay.”
Later that night, as I was lying in bed, I suddenly thought:
Actually,
today wasn’t so bad.
We didn’t pretend nothing happened.
We didn’t suppress our emotions.
Nobody kept silently enduring everything.
We can be angry.
We can feel hurt.
We can explain why.
We can communicate.
And we can try to understand each other.
Every negotiation,
is really just for a happier way of living together in the future.
Tingma’s Parenting Diary
Written on May 17, 2026
Originally published at: tingtingma.com
Written for my child, and for the adults who are still growing.
Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.
Originally written in Chinese by the author.
This English version was translated with the assistance of ChatGPT.