睡前跟娃儿分享了昨晚的一个梦。
我说，我去图书馆退书。
五点关门，我差不多4:50分
才到那个地方。
对机器和地方都不熟，
只有十分钟了，
好不容易找到机器，
又遇到熟人不会借。
我就又去帮别人，
所以自己就退不了了。
我问娃儿：
“你觉得我的做法对吗？”
娃儿想都没想：
“你不能这样，
你应该先帮自己，
再帮别人，
应该把自己放在放在第一位。”
我心里一阵佩服，
解释得很清楚。
我说：
“我不知道啊，
我也是三十五岁后才知道的。
像你这年龄的时候，
我们被告知应该要先帮助别人，
才是好孩子。
比如学校宣传雷锋事迹，
父母也是老爱在我们面前夸
别的孩子怎样怎样帮助别人，
多么多么地好，
多么多么地值得我们学习！“
娃儿继续说：
“他们告诉你这些不好（错误）的行为的时候，
你就不要听啊。
一定要把自己放第一位。
你自己好了
才能帮助别人！”
我心想，
这句又是哪里学来的至理名言啊。
这像是我在人生最艰难的时候，
一位好朋友对我的忠告。
真的一个字也没变。
我回应他：
“那我那时候不知道那是不好啊，
还以为那很好。”
娃儿没再说啥，
估计知道我已经懂了，
就没再忍心继续教育我了。
婷妈的亲子日常 创作于 2026.06.15
原创发布： tingtingma.com
写给孩子，也写给正在成长的大人。
未经授权，请勿转载。
Tingma’s Parenting Diary 287. Back Then, I Didn’t Understand
Before bed, I told my son about a dream I had the night before.
I said,
“In my dream, I went to the library to return some books.
The library closed at five,
and I didn’t get there until about 4:50.
I wasn’t familiar with the place
or the machine.
There were only ten minutes left.
After finally finding the return machine,
I ran into someone I knew
who didn’t know how to borrow books.
So I stopped to help.
In the end,
I never got to return my own books.”
I asked him,
“What do you think?
Did I do the right thing?”
Without even thinking, he said,
“You shouldn’t do that.
You should help yourself first,
and then help other people.
You should put yourself first.”
I was really impressed.
He explained it so clearly.
I said,
“I didn’t know that.
I didn’t realize it until I was in my mid-thirties.
When I was your age,
we were taught that helping others first
was what made you a good child.
At school,
we learned stories about people like Lei Feng,
who were always helping others.
Parents also loved praising other children
for being helpful and selfless,
telling us how wonderful they were
and how we should learn from them.”
He continued,
“If people tell you those are good things
when they’re actually not,
you don’t have to listen.
You should always put yourself first.
You have to take care of yourself
before you can help other people.”
I thought to myself,
Where did he learn such wisdom?
It sounded exactly like something
a dear friend told me
during the hardest time of my life.
Almost word for word.
I replied,
“But back then,
I didn’t know it wasn’t good.
I really thought
it was the right thing to do.”
He didn’t say anything else.
I guess he knew
that I finally understood,
so he decided
not to keep teaching me.
Tingma’s Parenting Diary
Written on June 15 , 2026
Originally published at: tingtingma.com
Written for my child, and for the adults who are still growing.
Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.
Originally written in Chinese by the author.
This English version was translated with the assistance of ChatGPT.