某天晚上，
娃儿突然一脸严肃地对我说：
“你刚刚吓坏我了。”
我一愣。
我没吓他啊。
脑子迅速回放了一遍刚刚发生的事，
突然反应过来——
“是不是我唱歌了？”
他立刻点头：
“是啊。”
我忍不住笑了。
“我唱歌是因为我开心呀，
我想唱就唱，我正在做我自己啊。
你应该为我感到开心才对。”
他没有反驳。
只是很认真地说了一句：
“那你下次唱之前，能不能先告诉我一下？”
我心里过了一遍。
高敏感的小孩，好像确实会这样。
于是我回应他：
“好啊。
不过你也可以为我高兴。
想做什么就做什么，做自己喜欢的事。”
他没有接这个话。
只是笑了一下，
转身拿起我的手机，
默默走到角落玩去了。
那一刻我突然明白了——
他没有反驳我，
他只是用行动在说：
我也要做我喜欢的事。
我看着他说：
“十分钟。”
他说：
“好。”
过了一会儿——
“有广告，再多一点点。”
“那十一分钟。”
又过了一会儿——
“还有一个广告。”
“那十二分钟。”
时间到了，他还没停。
我没有催他，
只是笑着说：
“太好了，这么遵守规则，
明晚还有十分钟。”
他立刻开心地把手机递给我。
没有拉扯，没有对抗。
睡前，我问他：
“要不要去一下厕所？”
他开始一本正经地逗我：
“你是说 peenut？
还是 pee……”
一连来了好几个谐音梗。
我也故意一本正经地问：
“那要不要 poo 呀？”
他又接了几个“poo”的梗。
我心里只剩一句话：
这孩子，真有意思。
第二天，我又不自觉地唱起歌。
没过一会儿，
他又走过来，像个小大人一样跟我说：
“妈妈，你刚刚又没告诉我一下就开始唱歌了。
我也不是不喜欢这个歌，还挺好听的，
但是——
下次你再唱之前，可以先告诉我一下吗？”
这一次，我没有解释。
只是很认真地对他说：
“好的，真不好意思，我忘了。
下次我会先告诉你。”
说完我自己都笑了。
因为我很清楚——
下次，我大概率还是会忘。
但好像也没关系。
他会继续提醒我，
我也会继续忘。
我们就这样，
一边打扰彼此，
一边学着理解彼此。
一个人想自由地做自己，
另一个人想被提前告知。
看起来是冲突，
但其实，
是两种边界在慢慢对齐。
那天晚上我又开始唱歌。
唱了两句才突然想起来——
“噢，我忘了。我可以唱歌吗？”
他很自然地回了一句：
“of course，why not？”
我笑着说：
“我刚刚又忘了先告诉你。”
他说：
“没事，也不是每次都会被吓到。”
那一刻我突然觉得，
成长不是谁改变了谁，
而是我们都在一点点，
变得更能装下彼此。
婷妈的亲子日常 创作于 2026.04.15
原创发布： tingtingma.com
写给孩子，也写给正在成长的大人。
未经授权，请勿转载。
Tingma’s Parenting Journal | 228. “Can You Tell Me Before You Start Singing?”
One evening,
my son suddenly looked at me very seriously and said:
“You just scared me.”
I froze for a second.
I didn’t scare him… did I?
I quickly replayed what had just happened in my head,
and then it hit me—
“Was I… singing?”
He nodded immediately.
“Yes.”
I couldn’t help but laugh.
“I was singing because I felt happy.
I sing when I want to. I’m just being myself.
You should be happy for me.”
He didn’t argue.
He just said, very calmly:
“Then next time,
can you tell me before you start singing?”
I paused for a moment.
A sensitive child…
that actually makes sense.
So I said:
“Okay.
But you can also be happy for me.
You should do what you like, too.”
He didn’t respond to that.
He just smiled,
picked up my phone,
and quietly walked to the corner to play.
And suddenly, I understood—
He wasn’t disagreeing with me.
He was simply saying, in his own way:
“I want to do what I like, too.”
I looked at him and said:
“Ten minutes.”
He said:
“Okay.”
A little later—
“There’s an ad… can I have a bit more time?”
“Okay, eleven minutes.”
A bit later again—
“There’s another ad!”
“Alright, twelve minutes.”
When time was up, he still hadn’t stopped.
I didn’t rush him.
I just smiled and said:
“That’s great—following the rules so well.
You get another ten minutes tomorrow.”
He happily handed the phone back to me.
No struggle. No resistance.
Before bed, I asked him:
“Do you want to go to the bathroom?”
He immediately started joking with a straight face:
“Do you mean peenut?
Or pee…”
And then came a whole series of wordplay.
So I played along:
“Then do you need to poo?”
He fired back with a couple more “poo” jokes.
At that point, I had only one thought:
This kid is hilarious.
The next day, I started singing again without thinking.
Not long after,
he came over like a little grown-up and said:
“Mom, you started singing again without telling me.
I don’t dislike the song—it actually sounds nice—
but…
next time, can you tell me first?”
This time, I didn’t explain.
I just looked at him seriously and said:
“Okay. I’m sorry, I forgot.
Next time I’ll tell you first.”
And then I laughed to myself.
Because I knew—
I would probably forget again.
But somehow, that felt okay.
He would keep reminding me.
And I would keep forgetting.
And we would just keep going like this—
Interrupting each other,
while slowly learning to understand each other.
One of us wants to freely be ourselves.
The other wants to be informed beforehand.
It seems like a conflict.
But in reality,
it’s just two boundaries
slowly learning to align.
That night, I started singing again.
After two lines, I suddenly remembered—
“Oh—I forgot. Can I sing?”
He replied naturally:
“Of course. Why not?”
I laughed:
“I forgot to tell you again.”
He said:
“It’s okay. It doesn’t scare me every time.”
And in that moment, I realized—
Growth is not about one person changing the other.
It’s about both of us, little by little,
becoming more capable
of holding space for each other.
Tingma’s Parenting Journal
Written on April 15, 2026
Originally published on: tingtingma.com
Written for my child,
and for every adult who is still growing.
Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.
Originally written in Chinese by the author.
This English version was translated with the assistance of ChatGPT.