好久没写修心系列了。
不是没东西写，而是最近脑子太满了。
事多、念头多、牵挂多，反而转不动了。
有时候，人不是没有能量，
是能量太杂，堵住了出口。
直到昨天，我被一个学生“点醒”。
他在台上演讲的状态:
轻松、自在、幽默，不追求完美，甚至有点随性。
但偏偏，就是他最打动人。
他的发音不是最标准的，
内容也不是最精致的，
可他整个人，是“在流动的”。
那一刻，我脑子里只有一个词：
心流。
我当场就决定：给他满分。
因为我突然意识到:
我们这一生真正要修的，不是“完美”，而是“松弛”。
我们来想象一个场景：
一群人在竞争、面试、拉票。
大多数人都很用力，
小心翼翼、字斟句酌、克制表情、管理形象。
他们看起来很努力，
却也很紧。
就在这时，出现了一个人，
他说话自然，偶尔出错也不慌，甚至还能自嘲一下。
他不完美，
但他是“活的”。
你会把票投给谁？
答案其实很简单。
人们喜欢的，从来不是“完美的人”，
而是“让人感觉轻松的人”。
因为这个世界，太多人活得太苦了。
不管有钱没钱，
不管老板还是员工，
不管富婆还是刚毕业的年轻人，
大多数人身上都有一种：
紧绷感。
所以，当一个人身上出现“松弛感”，
那不是普通的气质，
那是一种：
稀缺资源。
再说回我自己。
从去年开始，我其实一直在“瞎搞乱搞”。
拍点疯疯癫癫的视频，
教人打麻将，
也没想那么多。
一开始只有4个学生，
后来变成12个，
再后来，
竟然有上百人都会福州麻将了 （这个数字还在不断上升中，学生不仅仅只教学生，他们连家人都教了，家人再其他家人，再教他们的朋友….）
这件事，如果放在以前那个“我要做好、我要专业”的我身上，
根本不会发生。
因为我会犹豫：
值不值得？
别人怎么看？
会不会显得不专业？
但当我“松下来”之后，
反而一切开始流动。
甚至连我自己都没想到，
现在的我，已经不怕镜头了。
摄影棚搬进教室那天，
我没有一丝紧张，
甚至觉得挺好玩。
那一刻我才明白：
松弛，不是放弃要求，
而是放下对“被评价”的执念。
当一个人不再那么在意别人怎么看，
他的能量就会回到自己身上。
人一旦回到自己，
就会自然、自信、有力量。
这种状态，
别人是看得出来的。
甚至可以说：
松弛感，是一种可被感知的气场。
你松了，
别人也会跟着松。
你轻了，
世界也会对你更轻。
为什么我们这一代人这么难“松”？
因为我们从小就是被“紧着养大”的。
站要有站相，
吃要有吃相，
说话要小心，
情绪要克制。
父母的情绪不稳定，
我们学会了察言观色；
一句话说错，
就可能引爆一场风暴。
久而久之，
我们活成了一个，
时时刻刻在“自我监控”的人。
这不是性格，
这是训练出来的生存方式。
所以，松弛感，
不是天生的，
而是要重新练回来的。
怎么练？
不用一夜之间改变。
我们只需要每天做一件小事：
少一点点拘谨
少一点点用力
少一点点“我要表现好”
哪怕只是，
今天说话随意一点，
今天允许自己犯个小错，
今天做一件“看起来没用”的事。
一年之后，
你会看到一个完全不同的自己。
我们这一生，其实一直在：
进框 → 破框 → 再进框。
但最终的目标，
不是待在某个完美的框里，
而是，
有能力自己立框，甚至随时脱框。
松弛感，
就是你开始“脱框”的信号。
这个世界总有人会评价我们，
我们躲不过。
但我们可以选择,
不再用他们的眼光，活我们的一生。
所以，去做点“吃饱了没事干才会做的事”吧。
对着天空发呆一下午，
去观察花草是怎么开的，
去看一只动物是怎么生活的。
别小看这些“没用的事”。
它们不是浪费时间，
它们是在把你，从“被驱动的人”，
慢慢还原成“活着的人”。
很多人以为，
等拥有更多，才会更快乐。
但真相是，
如果你此刻感受不到幸福，
你以后也很难感受到。
因为欲望的本质，
就是永不满足。
我们小时候为什么快乐？
不是因为拥有更多，
而是因为那时的我们——
做一件事，只是为了体验那件事本身。
夜深人静的时候，可以问问自己：
是我在活着，
还是欲望在替我活着？
大多数人，其实是后者。
而真正的修行，是——
从“刻意练习松弛”，
到“习以为常地松弛”。
最后总结一句：
不是我们做得足够好，事情才发生，
而是我们松下来，事情才开始发生。
婷妈修心录 创作于 2026.04.18
原创发布： tingtingma.com
记录一个女人的决醒，修复与内在成长。
未经授权，请勿转载。
《Tingma’s Inner Work Journal｜18：From Seeking Relaxation to Sensing It》
It’s been a while since I last wrote for this self-cultivation series.
Not because I had nothing to say,
but because my mind has been too full lately.
Too many things, too many thoughts, too many concerns—
so full that nothing could flow out.
Sometimes, it’s not that we lack energy.
It’s that our energy is too scattered,
and it clogs the出口 (出口 → flow / expression).
Until yesterday,
a student “woke me up.”
The way he spoke on stage—
relaxed, free, humorous,
not chasing perfection, even a little casual.
And yet,
he was the most captivating one.
His pronunciation wasn’t perfect.
His content wasn’t the most polished.
But his whole being was in flow.
At that moment, only one word came to my mind:
Flow.
I immediately decided to give him a full score.
Because I suddenly realized:
What we are truly meant to cultivate in this life
is not perfection—
but relaxation.
Let’s imagine a scene:
A group of people competing—
interviews, elections, presentations.
Most of them are trying very hard—
carefully choosing words, controlling expressions, managing their image.
They look diligent,
but they also look tense.
Then suddenly, someone appears.
He speaks naturally,
makes small mistakes without panic,
even jokes about himself.
He is not perfect.
But he is alive.
Who would you vote for?
The answer is simple.
People are not drawn to perfection.
They are drawn to ease.
Because in this world,
too many people are living in quiet suffering.
No matter rich or poor,
boss or employee,
wealthy woman or fresh graduate—
Most people carry a sense of tightness within them.
So when someone embodies relaxation,
it’s not just a personality trait.
It is a rare resource.
Now, back to myself.
Since last year,
I’ve honestly been “messing around.”
Filming silly videos,
teaching people how to play Mahjong,
not thinking too much about it.
At first, there were only 4 students.
Then it became 12.
And later—
Hundreds of people learned Fuzhou Mahjong.
(And the number is still growing—students teach their families,
families teach others, and it keeps spreading…)
If this had been the “old me”—
the one who wanted to be proper, professional, and perfect—
None of this would have happened.
Because I would have hesitated:
Is it worth it?
What will people think?
Will this look unprofessional?
But when I relaxed—
Everything started to flow.
And surprisingly,
I’m no longer afraid of the camera.
The day the filming studio was set up in my classroom,
I wasn’t nervous at all.
I actually thought—
this is kind of fun.
That was when I truly understood:
Relaxation is not lowering your standards.
It is letting go of the need to be judged well.
When you stop caring so much about how others see you,
your energy returns to yourself.
And when you return to yourself,
you become natural, confident, and powerful.
This state—
others can feel it.
In fact:
Relaxation is a perceivable energy field.
When you relax,
others relax.
When you lighten up,
the world becomes lighter with you.
Why is it so hard for our generation to relax?
Because we were raised in tension.
Stand properly.
Eat properly.
Speak carefully.
Control your emotions.
When our parents were emotionally unstable,
we learned to read the room.
One wrong sentence
could trigger a storm.
Over time,
we became people who are constantly
self-monitoring.
This is not personality.
This is a trained survival mechanism.
So relaxation is not something we are born with.
It is something we must relearn.
How do we practice?
You don’t need to change overnight.
Just one small thing each day:
Be a little less rigid
Try a little less hard
Care a little less about “doing well”
Even something as simple as:
Speak more casually today
Allow yourself to make a small mistake
Do something that seems “useless”
After one year,
you will see a completely different version of yourself.
In this lifetime,
we are constantly:
Entering frameworks → breaking them → entering new ones.
But the goal is not to stay in a perfect framework.
It is to:
Build your own—and walk out of any, anytime.
Relaxation
is the signal
that you are starting to step out.
People will always judge us.
We can’t avoid that.
But we can choose:
Not to live our lives through their eyes.
So go do something “useless.”
Stare at the sky for an afternoon.
Watch how flowers bloom.
Observe how animals live.
Don’t underestimate these “meaningless” things.
They are not a waste of time.
They are what slowly transform you
from someone who is driven—
into someone who is truly alive.
Many people believe
they will be happier once they have more.
But the truth is:
If you cannot feel happiness now,
you won’t feel it later either.
Because the nature of desire
is endless dissatisfaction.
Why were we happy as children?
Not because we had more—
but because we did things
for the sake of experiencing them.
Late at night, ask yourself:
Am I living?
Or is my desire living through me?
Most people are the latter.
True cultivation is:
From practicing relaxation intentionally
to living in relaxation naturally.
And finally:
It’s not that things happen because we do them perfectly.
It’s that things begin to happen
when we finally relax.
Tingma’s Inner Work Journal
Written on April 18, 2026
Original publication: tingtingma.com
A record of a woman’s determination,
healing, and inner growth.
Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.
Originally written in Chinese by the author.
This English version was translated with the assistance of ChatGPT.