某天接他放学，
他一上车就开启了“今日播报模式”。
“我有一个好消息，一个坏消息，先说哪一个……
不对，是两个坏消息！”
我还没来得及反应，
他已经自己想好了流程：
“那先说坏消息吧。
这样等会儿说好消息的时候，会开心更久一点。”
我在心里默默点头：
这逻辑，还挺完整。
——
他说第一个坏消息：
“今天体育课，C让我那样做，
可是我不想那样。”
我问他：
“那你做了吗？”
他很坚定地说：
“没有，我就站在那里不动。”
我几乎是立刻回应他：
“你做得很好。
你知道不做自己不想做的事情，妈妈很为你骄傲。”
——
那一刻，我心里其实很清楚——
他不是不会表达，
只是语言还在长，
但边界，已经长出来了。
他已经开始知道：
别人可以有想法，
但不等于我必须配合。
这件事，
放在一个八岁的孩子身上，
真的很难得。
——
因为我第一次有这种
“我可以不顺从”的感觉，
是在初一。
那天有个同学像往常一样，
让我把自行车往旁边挪一挪。
其实不是什么大事。
但那一刻，我突然有个念头：
为什么每次都是我先让？
我什么都没说，
就站在那里，看着她。
——
这么一对照，
他八岁，
我十二岁。
有些东西，
真的可以更早长出来。
——
他说第二个坏消息：
“有个女生让我闭嘴，
这已经是第二次了。”
我问他：
“那你告诉老师了吗？”
他说：
“没有，但其他女生去说了。”
我跟他说：
“这不是你的问题。
我们不需要让别人的行为影响自己。
他们不重要。”
他说完之后，
整个人明显松下来了。
——
这个孩子，从小就有一种很清晰的感觉。
什么该做，
什么不该做，
他好像天然就知道。
我们其实没有刻意教很多规则，
反而很多时候，
是他在提醒我们：
“这样好像不太对。”
“这个可以换一种做法。”
有时候会突然有点恍惚——
到底是谁在养谁。
——
至于那个“好消息”是什么，
我已经完全忘了。
但好像也没那么重要。
因为真正的好消息是——
他开始知道，
自己是谁，
也开始知道，
自己不是什么。
婷妈的亲子日常 创作于 2026.04.15
原创发布： tingtingma.com
写给孩子，也写给正在成长的大人。
未经授权，请勿转载。
Tingma’s Parenting Journal | 232. “If I Don’t Want to Do It, I Won’t Do It”
One day, when I picked him up from school,
he got in the car and immediately switched into his “daily report mode.”
“I have one piece of good news and one piece of bad news—
which one should I say first…
wait, no, two bad news!”
Before I could even respond,
he had already figured it out himself:
“Let’s say the bad news first.
That way, when I say the good news later,
I’ll stay happy longer.”
I nodded to myself.
That logic actually makes sense.
He started with the first bad news:
“During PE today, C told me to do something,
but I didn’t want to do it.”
I asked:
“So… did you do it?”
He said firmly:
“No. I just stood there and didn’t move.”
I responded almost immediately:
“You did really well.
I’m proud of you for knowing not to do something you don’t want to do.”
In that moment, I was very clear inside—
It’s not that he doesn’t know how to express himself.
It’s just that his language is still growing.
But his boundaries have already grown.
He is starting to understand:
Other people can have their own ideas,
but that doesn’t mean I have to go along with them.
And for an eight-year-old,
that’s actually quite rare.
Because the first time I ever felt
“I don’t have to comply,”
was in middle school.
A classmate, as usual,
asked me to move my bike to the side.
It wasn’t a big deal.
But in that moment,
something suddenly came up in me:
Why am I always the one who moves first?
I didn’t say anything.
I just stood there and looked at her.
Looking at it now—
He is eight.
I was twelve.
Some things
really can grow earlier.
Then he told me the second bad news:
“A girl told me to shut up.
This is the second time.”
I asked:
“Did you tell the teacher?”
He said:
“No, but some other girls told her.”
I said to him:
“This is not your problem.
We don’t need to let other people’s behavior affect us.
They’re not important.”
After I said that,
I could see his whole body relax.
This child has always had
a very clear inner sense.
What to do,
what not to do—
he seems to just know.
We didn’t really teach him a lot of rules.
In fact, many times,
he’s the one reminding us:
“That doesn’t feel quite right.”
“Maybe we can do it this way instead.”
Sometimes I pause and wonder—
Who is really raising whom?
As for that “good news”—
I’ve completely forgotten what it was.
But somehow, it doesn’t feel that important anymore.
Because the real good news is—
He is starting to know
who he is,
and also,
who he is not.
Tingma’s Parenting Journal
Written on April 15, 2026
Originally published on: tingtingma.com
Written for my child,
and for every adult who is still growing.
Unauthorized reproduction is prohibited.
Originally written in Chinese by the author.
This English version was translated with the assistance of ChatGPT.